The Brittas Empire S02 E05 Mums and Dads

by: Matthew Dumas

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yes I thought you'd like to know your planners arise yes yep yep yep yep yes yes I'll tell if you just like to take it straight through sorry down the end of the corridor to the fires of the gymnasium if you could just pop it on the platform just come to me I never stick all right yes

no it's alright I'll take that just catch me Brett Wayde you certainly took your time didn't use my I was child chanock lovely what is this we think it's a piano mr. Brittain we have a mind traveling all the way from the Leningrad conservatory to give his first concert in the free world don't you deserve something better than the throw out for the public bar of the dog and back I'm very sorry Sally don't you son me it's mr. British the people who can't deliver the proper piano it's all right my darling with me in one moment now did I ask for this piano well I know I did notes it's all right darling I want you to put this heat back on your van and get me a proper one

I'm sorry a pop call though bad time mr. British what are you doing the piano is for you called your mother almost wanted you to every now I won't have room for you see not now I'm moving into the sheltered accommodation are you run to your house much rather have it in your office school mum Joel piano do you know she died while I was playing this our piano was burnt wasn't it darling yes yes it was unfortunately Helen took it out to the back garden to give it a good clean and accidentally spilled a bottle of white berry to a no root think it was a spark from the neighbours golden father don't we yeah so it was well the time well go back from work was just a pile of ashes a piano again that's wonderful day I'm glad you like it suddenly so this is the new place is it you've never been here mr. bliss no no no our Sophie Gordon might be able to show me rabbit obviously you probably wouldn't have the time listen to him of CO so I have always got time for me old dad I'm just gonna make one quick phone call we've got a concert on you tonight a concert Helen I think a mug of tea and a biscuit no be with you in five minutes all right selfie grandson the restroom I think Helen salt-of-the-earth Laura everything I am I owe to that name I must remember to thank him mr Britta's Julie get those piano people on the phone for me I don't know what's happening so where's my torture grant nobody knows he's been stolen from the warehouse in Croydon what it's already found you another one they've had four men driving all night to bring it from Cardiff so why isn't it here give me that number apparently he broke down in Swindon and had to carry the piano a mile in a heart where they could hire another van we're towing bound the sound of it the man on the phone was very sorry Julie I'm afraid being sorry isn't always good enough people do not spend good money on concert tickets to watch a man being sorry hello yes Gordon Britta's let me make my position perfectly clear in about three hours time my gymnasium we fill with several hundred people many of them tremendously influential expecting to European Oh recital now you listen to me he's arrived what piano they're just packing up the van to unload not before time yeah I don't believe it don't these people we'd hello yes the vans outside well it's just notice they're using the disabled parking space two days without sleep well I'm sure mr. Peters will be careful what he says yes dan has arrived yeah no jus want to come watch this should be good

Berni staff has he really got 30 staff I suppose it must be about that Woodall taking orders from my Gordon it's amazing in it I think so yes you certainly come a long way from Jellico mentions Romford oh no complaints Laura both my boys have done well for themselves there's another one oh yes twins Gordon and Horatio I have no idea of course Horatio went into the church yes he probably read about him in the paper Laura the place where they had the knife fight during the Lenten vigil sounds like a rough area little Jobling ttan thoughts a very generous community either raise a lot of money for missionary work oh yes that's the fun to send a ratio to the Lebanon isn't it though these refusing to take delivery of the piano unless they can guarantee it's not made of Brazilian hardwood Gavin this is mr. bitches father that is a complete idiot Oh what mr. Britta's Jim please hello there's some sort of problem is that um no nothing just somebody's upsetting the piano movers rather a lot uh tell you what I'd do I'll get my Gordon on to that one he's your man for sorting things out we're just gonna leave it here are we just because someone happens to care about the South American rain forests wouldn't be surprised that keyboard is ivory as well it's bad news I must readiness to bring us what about the flags I'm extremely busy Kelly I managed to get the Union Jack's at Rumblers by British sale that a Russian flag I've tried everywhere well improvise Colleen Mike won a hammer a sickle and a piece of red cloth just be grateful he's not from Paraguay neither draw an armadillo or something to bring us here the other thing was the shelves Colleen I have problems of my own at the moment well the pianos arrived very observant Karina so what's the problem the problem is how visiting pianist from Leningrad is can apply a piano that's stuck on each side of the middle of the main entrance I see where's Gavin oh there you are ready when you are son I'll just finish this mother tea that young Ellen so kindly made me you're gonna give your father a tour of the building yes dad we're gonna have to put that one in the back burner for a few more minutes I'm afraid slight crisis outside daddy could you round out to him in a couple of hours of regret reception please yes mr. verses very nice of you to volunteer my lab we have to move a piano rather heavy work for the female frame it was just saying if you remember my stepmother and her two daughters are going to another grand ball and they want me to stay at home and do the kitchen right you do realize that or me missing the concert don't use could you not touch that plane what could you not touch the piano please it's a rather valuable instrument and if you don't know what you're doing you could damage the tuning mm you know patrol yes well when you learn how to read English you'll understand that we're closed today because we're having a constitute mr. picture of Newtown laser said to Gordon Britta's not too hot for you I hope what well you're more used to snow aren't you in Leningrad army oh well perhaps you'd come to the gymnasium where you could be playing this evening thank you don't you touch that I'll get one of the staff to move that for you Carol how may I help you glad you got to take mr. Petrov suitcase to his dressing use please I am quite a you leave that to carry them frankly between you and rage he needs the exercise he's getting a little bit pudgy she is a most attractive woman who your car now that's interesting is over here we don't see anything attractive in here at all no son success means a lot to You doesn't it mr. Burris oh it does Laura you see sure I never managed to do much with my life I mean well let's be honest not being a failure of night oh you shouldn't say that do you you've raised a family you don't know sorts of things do you know what I wanted most in the world when I was a teenager Helen no I wanted to be an astronomer really yeah I was 15 years old and asked my mom and dad if I could stand at school and you know passed an exam or something but dad just laugh if you want to look at the Stars he said we can fix that that's a starter the night watchman four years seven four years I spent looking after breezeblocks for week more concrete fabrications very worthwhile but what my dream was it what a sad story yeah that's why our bow than if I ever had children I'd make sure it never happened to them our dreams are the most important things we have mister British has a dream a dream Laura because if you don't have a dream how you come to have


you know glad I was thinking well it's not over you and I should get together into a couple of Jew eights what do you reckon may I certainly I think I'll go and sort out your piano now Blair have you everything you need you have one they would like your old sorry it'll get a rogue right to sit on there oh I know what you mean in this country we have chairs you see along there for stretching there relaxing on the floor you mean individual exercise mate we've got plenty of those here we go individual exercise mat just help yourself why do you think is legs well if you're sure these nothing else that I've got a sneaking suspicion that you and I are gonna be a big hit tonight I can feel it there

where on earth is Gavin he was about Colleen what are you doing I think I've solved your problem mr. products which problem about how a man can play the piano sideways funny there is a voice for lifting disabled swimmers out of the pool that's right mr. potassium it works perfectly Weldon well you see just climbs it up sleep we press the button here then he stops nobody knows there is ready to play the piano Colleen do I get that you spent the last half an hour working out how visiting pianist from Leningrad can be strung up by his trousers to play a piano sideways yes mr. producer then it was so simple was it really yes and then when he's finished we just spin him back out here 96 is bow I wonder what the problem is now Colleen I have a little suggestion you know the antique store room on the third floor yes mr. widows I want you to take that down me up there with a commode and a glass of water yes mr. Bruno's I want you to lock yourself in there and swallow the key and we'll see you in nature's title it's pulling probably about Tuesday yeah be very well uh what do you want us to do mr. British I'm afraid would be rather let down by the removal main thought that was the caterers I'm in a hurry Tim I want you to take that piano and put it on the platform in the gymnasium play just the four of us the three of you let me know soon my office are you all right on it I know he doesn't mean to - what sometimes mr. Britta's can be really hurtful you see Laura I never ever manager sends her fancy schools or anything but where are our walls believe that the most important thing a parent can give his child is a belief in himself sounds like quite a tall order mr. British my parents settled was sitting up straight on having a clean handkerchief ooh praise Laura sorry that's the secret praise ever since he was Tanya I've almost told Gordon that if you wanted you can achieve anything anything at all what you think I've got to present the bouquet at the concert Oh heaven that's lovely you look a picture Gordon will be proud of you yes so mr. riches you think that constant praise from a very early age is enough for our DeLorean stop when they're young carry on year after year they'll go out into life with an unshakable belief that they can really do something where their abilities I see yeah of course you can always tell the ones who didn't get it can you oh yeah I see him all the time indecisive anxious dosing themselves that with tranquilizers don't know why I said I'd do business hate standing up in front of people I know like a complete idiot never know what to say Helen what were your parents like what oh it's pretty average I think I think God's a bit of a disappointment to them really why well you see my father would have inherited the jam factory if I'd been a boy just wasn't oh I was terrible at school as well they never really good at one thing that got me thrown out and I was 16 never quite sure where to go with your life where your heaven till Gordon came along what's right around the corner I'm not even on this side yeah we've tried that well I suppose we better drag it out and run to the fire hose nope what about the oil tank you stinker there's an oil tanker boxed up in front of the fire doors if the planet won't fees in the hole what'll happen to mr. miss concert well I suppose you'll have to cancel it oh I'd better tell him Paul mr. British to be so upset yes yes he will Lindsey I'm coming with you well it wouldn't fit in the holes they've gotta tell us with all of them well Gavin's actually going to tell him but the others wanted to watch can't let them know you play the piano no oh I don't it's just that you know I've no idea I used to dream of being concert pianist when I was little but my parents made me give it to her they said it would be more sensible to do extra domestic science they sold our piano but we threw a maxfactor beauty course he said it was more important to get a man I suppose they were ragged they screw you up your mum and dad sorry oh no nothing Carl look you have a nice evening right see you tomorrow thank you Laura

excuse me yes please my father we will have forward demand it Ben oh yes of course if you guys come with me what you start I think that's the one playing the piano not bad is it it's magnificent the technique is a rudimentary but the passion the feeling yes - no suffering and pain like that and to pour it into the music is incredible please who is playing I don't know I'll go and see wait first we must listen to see how it handles the Allegro

come along Ben let's get our coats and go home one feeds take a leg job from journey I saw oh it's right there it still wouldn't go down the passage it's the coffee machine let's use our brain shall we move the coffee machine we can't tame you had it welded to one of the steel supports if you remember mr. producer you were worried that the flashing lights might attract a small child and he would climb up pull the machine on top of himself and be crushed to death so what you're saying is it won't go down the corridor that's right right let's take it round the outside and through the five doors what Laurie the oil tanker it's not still parked there easy I don't believe it I specifically told you we need those doors vitally tonight why would he leave it there it's a bit of a mystery that one mr. Britta's he thought we do we jack up the tanker take the legs off the piano and slide the mainframe under the tank roll blankets for mr. British it'll fit gabbing trust me I know that Julie and the law is part in front of them or anyone else buddy bright ideas please yes glad what is eternal yes we just saw to get out now it's under control they must know who was playing it what this piano just now the sound was so exciting so perfect you heard this piano and it sounded alright i if I could find was playing it I would take them back to the conservatory to learning glad to study with me the piano sounded all right in here a right ladies and gentlemen I've got the answer slight change of plan Lyndon we've decided to hold a concert in reception why though nothing for you to worry about just fact the chairs and bring them through all right quick as you can this video right Lord this is the plane the most expensive seats up here at the France middle price eats up the stairs but with cushions and all the rest down back along the corridor as far as the toilets mr. bridges apart from the automatic flushing I'm gonna switch on the intercom system Lord they'll pick up most of it on the tan away they've paid rather a lot of money are they it's a charity concert Laura people don't come to hear the music much further for than that start about here that might be way back down the aisle why is this still here this piano plays oh dang oh really where you are son we're still a little bit tied up at the moment day could you give us a hand by moving your piano oh you show me the way adjust somewhere out of the steps you can't leave that with you if you do the hand just get someone to give you a hand - right right changed the concert remember you were gonna wear something special

looking dude quit you see Karen Linda master spirits well done everyone glad to be a pledge legs Virna me I just thought I'd tell you you can relax just one small change to the Arrangements we're holding the concert out in reception but nothing to worry about long so if that's everything you've got your fruit you've got your fresh Walter would it be possible to do something about the noise you mean the load music what's wrong with it exactly I find it rather distracting that's funny you see in this country we find it very relaxing sights also tight anyone free at the moment Scott Lee English Colleen yes mister bring us Colleen over here as quick as you can please I'm a bit tied up with the morning mr. big us just drop whenever it is Colleen and come here will you really if you're sure don't worry about me if my core need you you don't I'll be all right

Colleen we need to turn off the mood music wanted to go to my office would you like your father to sit mr. persister sorry Lauren your father if you like I can put him on the front row between you and the mayor very nice thought Laura but don't you think it might be a bit uncomfortable why well it's a very smart affair Laura I think we much better off in here I think so Laurie yes here here most of it he's a simple man Laura I don't think we need to embarrass him by making him feel out of place Colleen where are you going I just still haven't finished telling you what to do yeah I just taught your father my polish people would stop worrying about my father we're trying to organize a concert just woman how long we can hold on for Colleen go to my office there's an orange sweet hold on to what exactly

I can't help it I mean he's not gonna play you see mr. British did ask if he'd be prepared to play with just the other hand for half the fee interested no it's all my farmy gordon had organized everything so perfectly I'm just a stupid old man who comes along and messes it all up for you come on don't upset yourself well I cannot not be upset I was ruined everything I mean they better cancel a concert all those disappointed people actually they haven't cancelled but they must mean who else can we possibly find to play so I thought come on we're all music lovers musics why we're here and by jingo music is what we get a hand so Colleen nights I'd like to start ladies and gentlemen with an old favorite of mine something I'm sure will tug a few heartstrings and stir a few memories it could be my fault well this is your idea in a way you see we were all standing outside the ambulance waving goodbye to mr. Petrov and mr. business was saying where are we going to find an internationally famous pianist on the next half hour and I said hey kids why don't we do the show ourselves just never thought


what a man you know what you were saying earlier how important it is for parents to give their children every confidence in their abilities mr. Burris Oh Jim please well I was wondering if when they

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The Brittas Empire is a British sitcom made and initially composed by Andrew Norriss and Richard Fegen. Chris Barrie played Gordon Brittas, the good natured yet clumsy administrator of Whitbury New Town Leisure Center. The show kept running for seven arrangement and 53 scenes — including two Christmas specials — from 1991 to 1997 on BBC1. Norriss and Fegen composed the initial five arrangement, after which they cleared out the appear.
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